Box Office Wrap Up: Who’s the Boss, Baby?

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Box Office Wrap Up: Who’s the Boss, Baby?

Once again, moviegoers tell Hollywood to unload the garbage truck right into the cinema.

Boss Baby
I’d call it a theft, but you willingly gave this movie your money, America.

That’s it folks. Wrap it up. In and shower. Whatever turn of phrase you want to use. A computer animated movie about a horrible, sociopath baby’s war on pets just made 50 million dollars. Sesame Street creates an autistic Muppet girl to teach children about neurodiversity and the world loses its mind, yet two hours of poop and puke jokes gets 50 million dollars. I give up. You get the movies you deserve, not the movies you want.

Box Office History.

Oh. Now it makes sense. Last year, Batman V. Superman

Sadfleck
No commentary. I just want you to look at him. LOOK AT HIM!

was the number one movie in America. Let’s just go ahead and remove this week from the calendar. We can tack a few more days onto February. This year was decidedly more tepid, with the combined 2017 box office equal to BvS’s take, roughly 170 million. One similarity from this year and last involves the movie in second place…

Disney fails to make all the money, settles for most of it.

Last year, Zootopia was chugging along, making scads of cash for Disney. This year Beauty and Beast has been singing and dancing its way into ridiculous amounts of lucre. At second place this week with a respectable 45 million, B&B was nipping at the baby’s heels. But don’t feel too bad, Belle and Co. have raked in almost 400 million dollars. I guess we’ll be seeing Gaston in an Avengers movie.

Groot Chip
I dare you to argue that a full movie of baby Groot drinking tea out of Chip wouldn’t make obscene amounts of money.

You’re Ghosting us…

Hey, wasn’t there a new movie coming out last weekend? Some big action flick with America’s favorite

Ghost in the Shell
“I don’t care who you are in the real…you whitewash my character one more time and I’ll bleed you, real quiet.”

leading lady (sorry Jennifer Lawrence, we saw Passengers)? Well, apparently nobody else knew about Ghost in the Shell’s premier, as it made an embarrassing 18.5 million. Or maybe they did, and the bad blood some had towards the cultural erasure going on with casting a white lady to play a Japanese cyborg snake bit the film. Either way, Paramount better pray China comes along and purifies this Ghost.

 

Aye-yai-yai!!!!!

Our fourth place film took a giant nose dive after its premiere weekend. Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers fell 65 % at the box, taking in a paltry 14 million dollars. That puts their take at 65 million on a 100 million budget. Not a great sign for a franchise with lofty ambitions: the director of MMPR wants to make 6 more films, in a massive arc that would make James Cameron say “dude, pump the brakes a little”.

Mighty Morphin Power Rangers
“Finster! Make My Franchise Grow!”

The Rest

The last spots were filled by older movies riding out their box office lives, save for The Zookeepers Wife, which premiered at 10th place. Kong, Logan, CHiPs and Life added a little more to their stacks, but only Logan and Get Out have cleared their production costs. Life and CHiPs are noticeably short, but I’m sure China loves cop buddy movies and deep space thrillers.

Top Ten Movies

(In Millions)

  1. The Boss Baby (50.2)

  2. Beauty and the Beast (45.4)

  3. Ghost in the Shell (18.7)

  4. Mighty Morphin’ Power Rangers (14.2)

  5. Kong: Skull Island (8.6)

  6. Logan (6.1)

  7. Get Out (5.7)

  8. Life (5.6)

  9. CHiPsĀ  (4.0)

  10. The Zookeepers Wife (3.3)

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