Coming Soon Trailers: Smurfs – The Lost Village.

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Coming Soon Trailers: Smurfs – The Lost Village.

A new Smurfs movie…yup, it’s officially dump month for new releases.

Coming Soon Trailers: Smurfs - The Lost Village.
And you must be Ugly Smurf?

The traditional “dump months” of the year, February and March, have actually been good for the box office.  Fox has decided to plug their R-rated X-Men films into February, and they’ve been tremendously successful.  Disney has also had back-to-back wins in the early months, first with Finding Dory and later with Beauty and the Beast.  Successful horror movies like The Witch and Get Out, The LEGO franchise films, and even the John Wick movies have all found lucrative homes in the early months of the year.

With the increased competition (from, you know, actually decent products with a proven track record) the real dross has had to move deeper into the year to find uncontested time spots.  Well, my friends, April and May are the new dump months.  Besides Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2, I can’t see a single movie that has me excited.  Luckily, the VOD market is very busy at the moment.

Wide Release.

Smurfs – The Lost Village.

Smurfette, Brainy, Hefty and Clumsy Smurf decide to disobey Papa Smurf when they discover a treasure map.  Their journey through the enchanted woods surrounding the Smurf village leads them to a new tribe of Smurfs.

 

See It?:  Rent it.

While I’m glad they dropped the horrendous live action aspects of the first two films, I can’t say there is much of a Smurf itch left to scratch.  This film feels like an over-sized episode of the show, and that’s not much of a selling point.

The Case for Christ.

A skeptical journalist decides to investigate the claims of the New Testament when his wife becomes a fervent convert to Christianity.  Based on the non-fiction book.

See It?:  Skip it.

From the people behind God’s Not Dead, comes another faith based beg-the-question drama.  Having read Lee Sobel’s book, I’m not impressed with his “hard nosed skepticism” and the trailer seems to think this is the next Da Vinci Code movie.  Pass.

Going in Style.

Three retired men decide to rob the bank that crashed their pensions with risky lending practices.

See It?:  Rent it.

I want to recommend this film.  I like films that embrace an older audience.  I love the three lead actors.  I am a self-immolating fan of heist movies.  So what’s holding me back?  The easy jokes.

You could finish every old person joke in the trailer well before the punchline actually appears.  That’s poor writing and lazy film making.  I hope this movie is better than those tired old jokes, but nothing really showed me otherwise.

Video On Demand.

Salt and Fire.

A ruthless business man kidnaps a scientist who is about to blow the whistle on his company’s ecological problems.  He intends to set her loose in the badlands, letting nature clean up his crime…but a volcanic eruption means everyone must work together to survive.

See It?:  Rent it.

Its a bit of a mess, story wise, but its a strong cast and a cool setting.  I don’t think this will be a good movie, but it seems like it will be entertaining for an hour or two.

Diamond Cartel.

When Mussa attempts to buy a famous diamond off of Hong Kong gangsters, things quickly get out of hand.  Adding to the trouble is Mussa’s ex lover and her new partner.

See It?:  Nope.

This is one of those films where formerly talented actors go to die.  Don’t be a witness to this career homicide.

Carrie Pilby.

Carrie is a young genius with a PhD, but no social skills.  As her post college life begins to crumble, her therapist gives her a plan to rejoin the regular world.

See It?:  Nope.

Smart person who can’t relate is a worn out trope.  The Big Bang Theory has been flogging that pony for how many decades now?  The cast isn’t charming enough, and the take isn’t fresh enough to make this one stand out from the crowd.

The Void.

A small town hospital has grave significance for a cult hoping to awaken the ultimate evil.  The sheriff and staff of the hospital must fight for their lives and sanity.

See It?:  Rent it.

There’s enough crazy in this trailer to satisfy fans of fangoria, so if that describes your tastes, this one should suit you just fine.

Shot! The Psycho-Spiritual Mantra of Rock.

Biographical documentary about Mick Rock, a photographer who covered rock and roll from Bowie and glam rock, all the way to the early punk rock era.

See It?:  Burn it with fire.

Wow.  I got whiplash from the pretension in just the title alone.  What a daring documentary!  To cover a kinda-sorta luminary on the periphery of Rock and Roll!  Has anyone ever dared to dream so  big?  Yes.  Every fucking documentary about Rock and Roll lately, it seems.

Alive and Kicking.

A documentary about modern swing dancing, its roots, and the people devoted to it.

See It?:  Skip it.

What decade is it?  Sorry, Alive and Kicking, the moment in time when anyone gave a crap about swing dancing came and went in the early 2000’s.  You missed the boat, but I hear that the Cherry Popping Daddies still need groupies.

Mine.

Two soldiers are stranded in the dessert after a botched mission, two days away from evacuation.  The even worse news is that their escape route takes them right through a mine field.

See It?:  Yes.

I love films that are willing to risk focusing on one very particular detail.  That this movie looks to spend most of it’s run time stranded in a mine field with only incidental action has me intrigued.  It may be a snooze, but it may also be a gripping thriller.  I’m willing to risk it.

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