Little Box of Horrors: The Jetsons & WWE: Robo-WrestleMania

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Little (X)Box of Horrors: The Jetsons & WWE: Robo-WrestleMania

VUDU sent me a code to get a rental for ten cents. I chose this movie. I want my ten cents back.

This go around, I decided to take another couch-based detour on my awful movie road-trip. VUDU is celebrating its tenth anniversary, and one of the deals they were offering was a chance to choose a 10 cent rental from some of their movie library. Most of the offerings were your standard “decent movie that has been out for a decade” fare, but then I saw it. The Jetsons & WWE in Robo-WrestleMania. The ten cents flew out of my digital wallet shrieking and I was the proud lessee of one of the dumbest pairings in cartoons since Phyllis Diller decided to take a few spins in the Mystery Machine.

Scooby Doo
Seriously, who thought this was a good idea? I hope it was the guy who now stands on Forest Avenue asking for change.

The Jetsons & WWE in Robo-WrestleMania (2017)

The Jetsons & WWE
Sure, thawing out the giant growly man in a unitard seemed like a good idea at the time….

George Jetson has finally gotten a promotion at Spacely’s Sprockets. He is assigned to oversee a dig on Earth. There he comes across the Big Show, who had been frozen in ice. 100 years ago, the Big Show was on his way from Denver to Albuquerque to wrestle Sheamus for the WWE title. His plane got caught in a blizzard and poof! Big Show-sicle.

Elroy decides to take the Big Show to school, where he learns that in the future the WWE still exists. He marches over to the coliseum to demand a title fight, only to learn that humans are not allowed to wrestle. The WWE now stands for Wrobot Wrestling Entertainment. The big show scraps all the bots and decides to not only conquer the WWE, but the world. Talk about a quick heel turn.

Luckily, Elroy just took second place in the school science fair for a working theory of time travel. He lost to a baking soda volcano, in case you were wondering. The Jetsons escape the Big Show, travel back in time, and recruit a who’s-left of WWE Superstars to come to the future and take him down. Even Vince McMahon tags along. Yay.

The Little Show

DBZ
“The voice acting! It’s hurtin’ mah brain!”

The Big Show is literally the only WWE wrestler in this movie that I recognized. And so of course he had to be the worst at his voice acting. Every single line that Paul Wight (the real-life Big Show) utters is a weird mix of growling and “I just got done tying a girl to the tracks” bravado. He sounds like Mr. Satan from Dragon Ball Z. But Mr. Satan works because he’s played as a joke. The Big Show is trying to be roided-up Dick Dastardly and it was just lame.

 

Lucha Aburrido

Jetsons & WWE
The Jetsons & WWE can’t decide whether it wants to play the action for laughs or excitement. It does neither.

The wrestling in the Jetsons & WWE is dull as dishwater. Every superstar uses their trademark moves, which are not interesting at all in animation form. The violence in WWE matches was already cartoon-ish and over the top. Without the real life athleticism behind the slams, dives, and ring-rebounds, the action comes off very ho-hum. The only decent bit was when Sheamus and a Robot-Undertaker smash each other around in a transportation tube. The wrestling needed to be even more outrageous, and it could have been since you didn’t have to worry about animated characters pulling an Owen Hart.

Who the Hell was this movie made for?

Venn Diagram
Don’t blame me, it’s just a Scientific Fact.

I provided a Venn Diagram to illustrate the problem with The Jetsons & WWE even existing. The only answer I came to: it just shouldn’t exist.

The Jetsons are easily Hanna-Barbera’s crappiest sitcom family (and that’s a universe where The Flintstones flirt with spousal abuse every other episode.) George Jetson is a lazy employee, a lousy husband, and a terrible father. There is no “Now You Know” lesson to be had here. Kids would be better served watching The Simpsons or Home Improvement reruns.

Jetsons & WWE
Well at least the Big Show didn’t back out of the Paris Climate Agreement. So he’s got that going for him. Which is nice.

The WWE is a juvenile product aimed exclusively at teenagers and adults with the intellectual growth of a teenager. The plot lines are just trashy soap opera fare with a good dose of violence added in. The Jetsons & WWE cruise right under even that low bar. The Big Show literally becomes future Hitler.

After destroying the police, he replaces them with murder-bots. He enslaves the population, sending them to manual labor camps. The only thing he didn’t do was disband the media, so he’s basically a little more benevolent than Donald Trump. As such, neither aspect of this team-up is fit for children.

Little (X)Box of Horrors: The Jetsons & WWE: Robo-WrestleMania
Uh, no George, I don’t want to know about “space herpes”…

This flick is also piss poor for WWE fans. As stated above, the voice acting is bad, the action is boring, and the stable of fighters is rather weak. The only good thing the Jetsons & WWE did was feature some of the female talent at WWE. But even then George ogles WWE Superstar Alicia Fox the first time they meet. Just to make sure we understand he’s a failure as a human. For fans, this is an hour and twenty minutes of lame pandering that will have them flipping over tables, not slamming each other into them.

Days of Future Crass

Little (X)Box of Horrors: The Jetsons & WWE: Robo-WrestleMania
Ha ha ha…nope.

The Jetsons & WWE in Robo-Wrestlemania is a boring, head-scratchingly stupid marketing gimmick. It’s meant to get kids all psyched about the WWE. By showing them how awful the Big Show is, apparently. The decision to tie together the WWE and Jetsons brands makes about as much sense as Durex selling condoms in a rebooted Care Bears movie. On the bright side, this movie is probably less shameless in it’s naked advertising than the Emoji Movie. It was certainly a more exciting sci-fi flick than Valerian. God, July sure sucked.

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