Terse Trailers: Alice Through The Looking Glass, Jungle Book And BFG

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Terse Trailers

So this week we have a bunch of trailers that are remakes of childhood classics, perhaps the worst of the worst of reboots. Shit, you can reboot James Bond a billion times and no one cares, but reboot a classic though?  You better put on your rain gear, cause you just unleashed a shitstorm.

Terse Trailers

Alice Through The Looking Glass

Neil covered this in our least anticipated movies of 2016, but it would be borderline negligent if I didn’t remind you what a steaming pile of turds Alice Through The Looking Glass is going to be.

Somewhat thankfully, Tim Burton is only a producer on this flick, as he is apparently saving all his suck for the Beetlejuice sequel. When was the last Decent project was he was involved in? The last film I enjoyed from him was Ed Wood in 1994, though he had huge successes with A Nightmare Before Christmas (1993) and Edward Scissorhands (1990). If only we could say his name three times and he would disappear into the ether…

Speaking of those that should disappear into the ether – Johnny Depp returns as the Mad Hatter, because lets face it what piece of shit won’t he do now? Tusk, Yoga Hosers, Mortdecai, and The Lone Ranger spring to mind.

I loved Depp, I loved his ability and the fact that he took the roles that he wanted to play… but he has involved himself in too many pieces of crap. No, we don’t need another Pirate Of The Caribbean (filming in 2017)!  Just hunker down and find a decent project to attach yourself to, man!

This is a through and through stinker folks, I know the temptation is there… but pass on Alice Through The Looking Glass.

 

Jungle Book

OK, I’ll be honest here, I wanted to hate this film from the jump. Perhaps I’ve been conditioned to have a volatile reaction to any reboot of a classic film, or it’s my utter contempt for Disney’s treatment of the Star Wars EU.

So I watched the first trailer and scratched The Jungle Book off my hit list for terse series, truth be told.  I thought the trailer was well done and perhaps the movie may be worth swiping my debit card for. I am very rarely fooled by trailers, but with an all star cast featuring Idris Elba, Bill Murray, Ben Kingsley, Scarlett Johansson, Christopher Walken And Gary Shandling (phew), perhaps this was going to be done right. I mean, Disney didn’t fuck up Star Wars: The Force Awakens that bad did they?

Let us take a peek at the pretty compelling first trailer.

The narrative and cinematography is on point, the trailer delivers everything you want as an adult re watching one of your childhood favorites  that has grown up.  The Jungle Book has a more ominous theme and will give us a fresh take on our childhood classic.

The second Trailer did not disappoint…

By did not disappoint (and I’m sure you are guessing it by now due to its inclusion in Terse Trailers) I mean it sucked.

Bad.

All my worries were justified. It’s a cutesy and needlessly melodramatic piece of twaddle. The poor voice acting was exposed in this trailer, Bill Murray to be particular, and the usual Disney fluff was on full display here.

I’m not shocked, and while this wasn’t on “have to go see in the theater list” The Jungle Book may not even be on my Netflix radar now.

Also why the fuck are tigers hanging out with their natural prey. Silliness.

The BFG

For you Doom Players out there this may have a different meaning to you, but for the rest of us this is a literary classic in elementary school.

Unfortunately the trailer doesn’t hold up.

Like the aforementioned Jungle Book, Disney just recycles their shots and images… there’s nothing new here.. Play the Jungle Book trailer above after you watch the BFG trailer, I’ll wait…The colors and imagery are nearly identical!

In the usual Disney fashion: it’s a safe play, nothing risky and everything homogenized..  I’m going to dust off my Roald Dahl paperbacks, reread them and pray that Johnny Depp Is not involved in this film in any fashion.

 

 

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