Coming Soon Trailers: Bye Bye Man, Sleepless, Monster Trucks.
Do you like mindless movie dreck? Boy, does this week have a deal for you!
OK, I get it. The relentless push of Oscar hopefuls like Fences or La La Land have got you stressed about watching art house flicks that have very little mainstream appeal. This week’s wide releases and VOD offerings are here for you. Consider this your release valve, venting all that mental tension from movies that all really belong on Broadway instead of the movie screen. Doesn’t mean they’re any good though…
An undercover cop (Jamie Foxx) is discovered, and a criminal organization he was infiltrating kidnaps his son. They hope this leverage will make Foxx play ball. Instead Jamie decides to invent a game called murder ball, where he kills everyone between him and his son.
See It?: Rent it.
Let’s be honest. I’m not going to tell you to see any of the mindless twaddle this week. This stuff is filler, because no studio wants to go up against all of the buzz award shows are generating for smaller movies. This is the time to dump something dumb and fun and hope it sticks. I think this movie will be a fun, dumb action film. Still doesn’t make it worth ten dollars.
The Bye Bye Man
When people do evil things, we wonder what causes it. Drugs? Bad parenting? Donald Trump? Turns out the answer is an evil entity with a childish name that will take over your body and force you to commit heinous crimes if you think or speak about him. So, Donald Trump.
See It?: Burn it with fire!
This is the latest lazy horror movie to attempt to create a villain out of a completely ginned up urban legend. The stupid, infantile name for the baddie should let you know how stupid and infantile this paint by numbers horror flick is going to be. And fuck Donald Trump, in case the reference was at all unclear.
A gear-head teen who dreams of leaving his sleepy town gets an unexpected ally: an creature displaced by a greedy oil company is able to live inside the monster truck he has been building, giving it kick ass powers! This Mountain Dew infused devil ride can help him achieve the racing fame he needs to leave town, so long as they stay one step ahead of the evil generic oil exec after them.
See It? Do a kick flip over its burning corpse!
I’ve seen quite a few critics lately try to appear rational by saying this film isn’t complete ass-candle. Well, fuckos, that kind of equivocating is why we now have Donald Trump in charge of shit. This movie is crap, the premise is crap, the acting is crap, and the CG is double extra nacho supreme crap. Fuck this movie.
Video on Demand
Bad Kids of Crestview Academy
A group of troubled teens at an exclusive prep academy show up for detention only to be locked inside the building. A previous massacre on the school grounds, which gave rise to legends of a curse, turns out to be the faculty cleaning house of unruly students. These teens have other ideas.
See It?: Wait for it to be free.
There’s a kernel of excitement here. The motley crew of renegades have some style, and the film is obviously inspired by other films in the genre, but it all seems to devolve into fetish and insipid humor.
A group of friends return to their sleepy home town to celebrate, but find themselves stalked by a ruthless killer wielding a rusty pitchfork.
See It?: Skip It.
I really wonder about the state of modern horror when every tired and bald attempt to ape the success of early slasher films is haled as a “momentous re-envisioning.” Flat acting, crap effects, and a hokey villain are not time honored hallmarks. They were the unfortunate side effects of a genre with no budget. Simply emulating them is not good cinema.
Claire in Motion
A successful woman has her world shattered when her survivalist husband goes missing. Her investigation into his disappearance unearths secrets that threaten to destroy her conception of life.
See It?: Wait for it to be free.
Another decent film with a nice hook that is woefully lacking in execution. The acting is flimsy, and the character interactions are cringe inducing. I want to know how it all ends…but I’m not sure I want to sit through this film to find out.
The Book of Love
A tight laced man is encouraged by his free-spirited wife to reach out to a homeless girl who routinely steals from their trash. He discovers that they both share a passion for building things, but their growing relationship is challenged when his wife dies in a sudden accident.
See It?: Skip It.
I want to like this one, solely based on the cast, but…the roles here are hackneyed and annoying. Maisie Williams plays a hay-seed rather unconvincingly, and Jason Sudeikis is playing a poor man’s Jason Bateman here. The script seems to waste strong talent from Mary Steenburgen, Paul Rieser, and Orland Jones as well.
In the post-apocalypse, a group of teens are ruled by a quartet of jocks who enforce a rigid heirarchy. If anyone breaks a rule, they are exiled. A young man decides he’d rather risk death outside than live as a lackey, convincing a few others to follow him north, where he hopes to find a safe zone. The leaders of his group are not happy about this.
See It:? Maybe.
I’m not enamored of the two leads, but this story has some teeth. I want to see some more critical feedback before packing up and venturing out to explore this end of the world drama.