This week we have trailers for three wide releases. The Wayans are back at it again, this time “spoofing” 50 Shades of Grey. It has exactly the pedigree and innovation you’d expect from the creative geniuses behind the Scar Movie franchise. The temptation to call it “Sexy Movie” must have been tremendous. Children finally get something to watch with Dreamworks’ third installment of the Jack Black Kung Fu Panda series, and Captain Kirk puts on a threadbare New England accent while attempting to rescue a sinking oil-tanker.
On the VOD market, we’ll be looking at a gripping story of madness and evil from the past coming back to haunt the living. That’s both the plot of The Veil, and an accurate synopsis of Thomas Jane’s acting career. Bazing!
Kung Fun Panda 3
Po, the tubby martial arts panda, is re-united with his long lost father, who has discovered a paradisaical village for pandas. Unfortunately, an evil warlord is destroying the country, so Po must train his new family to become a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude.
When to See It: Matinee showing. Got kids? Go to the theater! February break is just around the corner anyhow.
The Finest Hours
Base on a True Story, an woefully undersized coast guard vessel is sent to rescue the crew of an oil-tanker that has been ripped in half by a winter storm with hurricane force winds.
When to See It: Theaters. Despite the corny accents, the action looks entertaining. If last month’s In the Heart of the Sea left you yearning for nautical adventure, catch this one on the big screen.
50 Shades of Black
A forbidden romance between an eccentric businessman and a reporter leads Marlon Wayans through canned jokes ripped from recent movies like Magic Mike and 50 Shades of Grey.
When to See It: Rent it. You know what you’re getting when you watch a Wayans’ movie these days. While the relatively long dormant period since the last awful spoof means many of these jokes look fresher, its still the same routine.
A cult leader (Thomas Jane) with an awfully familiar name leads all but one of his followers to commit suicide. Now grown up, the surviving girl joins a team of documentarians, led by Jessica Alba, back to compound that nearly claimed her life. It may just be that not all of the leaders cryptic occult pronouncements were the works of a fevered mind…