Coming Soon Trailers: Pan, The Walk, The Final Girls

Coming Soon Trailers: Pan, The Walk, The Final Girls

Coming Soon Trailers: Pan, The Walk, The Final Girls

In the Trailers this week we have one new release, the Peter Pan origin story – Pan, and Joseph Gordon-Levitt expands to a high wire near you in The Walk.  For VOD releases, we’ve got a trio of horror movies, which is appropriate enough.  I’m afraid I’m going to have to throw my man-crush Keanu Reeves under the bus this week, as his film looks really lacking.


A young orphan named Peter escapes from the brutal life of drudgery and neglect in a London orphanage into the incredible world of Neverland, alongside a disreputable companion…James Hook.  Together, they meet Tiger Lilly, who recruits them to fight the piratical scourge of Neverland, Blackbeard (Hugh Jackman.)


When to See It:  Please be good, please be good, please be good…in theaters!  I’m still dubious about the seven degrees of separation trope with Peter and Hook, but I feel like Hugh Jackman is going to absolutely devour the scenery and turn in a performance worth the price of admission.

The Walk

Philippe Petit is a man on a mission:  perform the most amazing stunts imaginable.  The crown jewel in his career will be to tight-rope walk between the two towers of the World Trade Center, but every obstacle, human, physical and mental, stands in his way of achieving the ultimate high-wire act.


When to See It:  IMAX 3D or never.  This film isn’t my cup of tea (see my earlier antipathy for Everest and the cult of dare-devils) but if you are at all interested, you have to see this on the largest screen and in the most dimensions possible.  Apparently the shots are so spectacular that people are having vertigo and nausea in the the theaters…so just like watching Attack of the Clones?  Ba-zing!

The Final Girls

A freak accident in a crowded theater lead a group of friends to escape a raging fire…by traveling into the very film itself. Unfortunately for them, the film is the legendary camp slasher flick, Camp Bloodbath.  Fortunately for one of the teens, her mother was one of the actresses in the film, so she finally can reconnect with the parent she lost at a tender age…and perhaps change the outcome so that her mother survives the carnage.


When to See It:  VOD.  The “mess with the mechanics of the tired slasher flick” joke is just about to run out of traction…but this seems like just the right film for the sub-genre to peel out of the parking lot to the glorious smell of burning rubber and sounds of screeching tires with.  The family element adds a little heart to what will surely be a silly and slash-tastic ride.

I Spit on Your Grave 3

A traumatized survivor of sexual assault (the character from I Spit on Your Grave 1) has learned how to turn her personal pain into strength, and she uses the connections she makes inside a survivors support group to find and punish those who would sexually victimize others.


When to See It:  Rent It…rent all 3, if it seems at all appealing to you.  I have no benchmarks for this series, so I don’t know if it comes off as lurid and exploitative or as visceral and transformative in its treatment of rape, sexual violence, and the survivors of such horrible crimes.  The trailer seems to not flinch from candid portrayals of assault, but I just don’t know if it redeems such awful imagery or just hopes to titillate in the worst possible way.  Buyer beware here.

Knock Knock

A happily married man (Keanu Reeves) is approached by two young women in need of help…but when he lets them in, they successfully proposition him and take him on a torturous weekend where he must confront his own failings while surviving the sadistic games of the two women.


When to See It:  Never.  Sorry Keanu, but director Eli Roth has proven himself to be a bottom feeder when it comes to horror and torture porn.  His Hostel series are nearly unwatchable, and his latest work, The Green Inferno, is a racist and exploitative mess.  This looks to be even worse.  A deft director could work with the assumptions of the genre and turn the obviously jaundiced portrayal of the seductress conceit to clever use…but I doubt Roth is that director.  Avoid it, unless you have some very deep seated issues about all those hussies who continually tempt you…and then REALLY avoid this and maybe get some counseling instead, m’kay?


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