Coming Soon Trailers: Peter Rabbit, The 15:17 to Paris.
Clint Eastwood’s Very Serious Movie™ goes up against a naughty rabbit and an S&M fetish flick. Cool.
If you were looking for variety in your programming this weekend, you’re in luck. If you were looking for compelling reasons to drive to the cinema…well, you’re mileage may vary. Clint Eastwood has another super serious and patriotic film, this one not only inspired by real events but also actually starring the real people from the real event. I was going to make a joke about how Eastwood’s next gambit is to sit on transatlantic flights while pointing a camera at “suspicious” minorities hoping for a terror attack to break out, but that sounds depressingly plausible. Against this we have a CG update of Peter Rabbit a la The Smurfs, and the (blessedly) final entry into the 50 Shades of Grey franchise. Good Luck!
The 15:17 to Paris.
A dramatic recreation of the thwarted terror attack on a train bound for Paris in which three Americans put themselves in harms way to prevent the tragedy.
See It?: Skip It.
Clint Eastwood has gotten ponderous in his patriotism, making films that beat you about the ears with the flag. Here he’s upping the “you can’t talk bad this film or your un-American” factor by actually casting the three men who stopped the attack as themselves. It’s a stunt better reserved for a docu-drama.
throws all of his credibility into the rubbish plays a modern farmer McGregor who must contend with a rascally Peter Rabbit as both seek the attention of a lovely young lady (Rose Byrne).
See It: Kids Only.
This “update” with “attitude” looks polished enough to keep the kids entertained, and perhaps watching a rodent humiliate a formerly promising actor for an hour or two will yield a chuckle if you’re an adult…but don’t count on it. This is going to be 2018’s The Smurfs or The Chipmunks movie, so prepare your brain accordingly.
Fifty Shades Freed.
Ana and Christian are married now, but their kinky bliss is threatened by…stuff, I guess?
See It?: Never Ever.
The final movie in a execrable franchise that lacked the balls to be sexy and the passion to be entertaining. Nearly every review I’ve read uses the phrase “limps to the finish line.” Limp is the last thing you want associated with your S&M movie.
Video on Demand.
Based a true story, we follow the trials and tribulations of a Brooklyn musician who moves back to small town USA after a bad breakup.
See It?: For Fans of the Artist Only.
Some stories are universal. Some stories are universal because they’re cliched. This feels like one of those stories. You’re going to need to be already invested in the singer and the songs to make it over the hump of caring about her love life.
A young man fascinated by the philosophy of quantum physics meets a kindred soul and goes on a bizarre journey through his mid-life crisis.
See It?: Wait for Reviews.
This one is walking a knife’s edge. The springboard premise of finding philosophical meaning from a dust-jacket understanding of quantum mechanics and cosmology is dubious. Finding a couple of words and concepts you think are deep is easy, actually exploring those words and concepts is hard. Is this movie going to do any heavy lifting? The performances are solid and there are some trippy visuals, so this may wind up being interesting.
The Female Brain.
A neuroscientist looking at the different way men and women process the world is studying three couples with unique relationship issues. She winds up becoming part of her own sample size when chemistry develops between her and a new subject materializes.
See It?: Yes.
This was another close call. The whole men vs. women trope in comedy is certainly not new, but this has enough of an updated premise to make it interesting. The performances are what push it over the hump, as the characters are weird and engaging despite being fairly stereotypical, thanks in part to a strong cast and some clever jokes.
Would-be documentarians head into the woods of West Virginia looking to do a story about the myth of Red Eye, a legendary psychopath said to haunt the area. Of course, they wind up finding more than just old folk stories.
See It?: Genre Fans Only.
This is pretty by-the-book urban myth stuff. It’s the Blair Witch with a masked murderer instead of a coven of witches. The writing and dialogue is shit, but the visuals are at least not awful. Could be entertaining for fans of the genre.