Hell Comes To Frogtown: A Movie Review
When Neil announced Hell Comes To Frogtown as his latest film to torture me with, I held out some hopes that I could potentially find some value in this “film”. Afterall it has the whole eighties post apocalyptic manly science fiction theme going for it. Shit, I was even a huge fan of Battletoads and Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and “Rowdy” Roddy Piper was entertaining in They Live. It’s not like I was expecting Mad Max, but perhaps a bit of Beast Master with some cheesy laughs. Not so much. This is one of those rare films that took me three viewings to actually finish because Hell Comes to Frogtown will induce a severe case of narcolepsy.
Hell Comes to Frogtown (1988)
This epic stars Piper as Sam Hell (see what they did there?) one of few males left in the world that still has viable baby gravy. Apparently in this post-apocalyptic world, nuclear fallout was the equivalent of sticking your balls in the microwave. Sure, you are thinking it, could be worse. Most men were wiped out during this nuclear blast and the world is controlled by women determined to breed the survivors. A world run by women could be problematic for the average Sam: you’d never lift a toilet seat again, but you are probably thinking “a sex slave to scantily clad amazons, what’s the catch?” The catch, my friend, is a bomb strapped to your junk to keep you in line.
So a world without the NFL, but Sam doesn’t let it get him down. He marches down to the dick-bomb office and signs up for a job! He must rescue the fertile woman who have been kidnapped (by what can be best described as a legion of aborted Kermit the frogs) who have been taken to Frogtown. This has all the premise of a soft core porno, but I assure you director Donald G. Jackson has more intentions of ripping off Escape from New York than Debbie Does Dallas.
Sam Hell may be the comedic version of Snake Plissken, but as hard as he tries there’s very little to laugh about here. Piper mugs for the camera every opportunity he gets but it falls incredibly flat.
It isn’t clear if the enemy mutants are mutated humans or actual mutated amphibians from the atomic fallout. What is clear that Hell Comes To Frogtown had a very limited budget. Costumes are shitty even for the eighties. Also why aren’t there other amphibian races? Just frogs? Considering that they couldn’t sync the voices and masks it’s not surprising they left out other potential races.
Most of the main amphibian characters are rubber masks and bodysuit which have a disturbing (but understandable) moisture about them throughout the film.
Get on with It!
The biggest travesty of Hell Comes To Frogtown that it doesn’t do anything in its 88 minutes. I’m being generous to say that there was fifteen minutes of nudity and action in the entire movie. For a film that screams Cult Classic this is inexcusable. The pace is mind numbing! Hell Comes to Frogtown may encourage the “it’s so bad it’s good” feeling, however it doesn’t bother to do anything except bore you to death.
Word to advice to Neil: Do not anger Dora, while we all may have a dark side, she clearly has another gear by suggesting this film.