Return To Oz
Movies That Ruined My Childhood
Movies play a big part in everyone’s childhood. Be it the first time you experienced a classic like Star Wars or that special Disney flick that you watched every weekend with your parents. Especially now, when movies have become part of our culture and early development, all but replacing the baby sitter, we all develop ties to those movies that are wired into our happy times. But sometimes things go wrong, and you watch a particular movie that seems hell-bent on destroying your developing little mind.
In Movies that Ruined My Childhood, we take an unflinching look at the dastardly films that scarred you as a youth and made the closet a place of unspeakable horrors. So let’s work through this together as we exorcise our demons.
Call it a public service. You’re welcome!
Return To Oz (1985)
To this day Return to Oz still gives me nightmares. Not just regular nightmares but cold sweat, vomit over the side of bed, nightmares.
To be clear this movie is not in the same vein as the childhood classic The Wizard Of Oz as there is nothing wonderful about this movie for a child.
This film was the sort of stuff the correctional facility forced Alex to watch in A Clockwork Orange. Granted my parents didn’t force my eye’s open during the viewing, but the dark imagery was more than enough to leave me in a mind numbing state of shock.
The movie starts out innocently enough by sending Dorothy to a mental hospital for electroshock therapy. Apparently Dorothy made plenty of folks uncomfortable with all her incessant jabbering about munchkins, witches, and soulless robots from a magical land. So much so, they figure a little electrocution would shut her the fuck up.
There’s no place like home, eh Dorothy?
Before Dorothy’s brain was reduced to the equivalent of Sloth from The Goonies, She was rescued by another patient and once again another storm sends her ass back to OZ.
I remember the original Oz wasn’t a walk in the park. It had it’s scary moments. That does not prepare one for the newly renovated, bowel shaking land that OZ has become in the sequel. Emerald City has fallen to ruin much like a frat house bathroom after a party: mass destruction, plus everyone is stoned.
If that isn’t scary enough Oz is now run by Queen Mobi, a head enthusiast (not what you’re thinking) who has perhaps the creepiest henchman of all time in the wheelers. Honestly, I openly wept searching for images of wheelers online. But 7 year old Erik lost control of all his bodily functions. So I’m making progress.
Creepy cast of Characters
For the most part the characters of the original Oz were lovable and more importantly non threatening. Not so for the Return to Oz crew. It’s almost as if these characters were born out of a bad Timothy Leary acid trip.
- Tick -Tock: the bastard child of R2 – D2 and a timex. Quote: I have always valued my lifelessness. Great message for kids
- Jack Pumpkinhead: Perhaps the most visually disturbing of all the characters, which is saying a lot, Has deep rooted mother issues flare up throughout the film. Certainly serial killer material and the reason I do not leave my home in October.
- Billina: A mentally deficient chicken who poisons the Nome King.
- Flying Monkeys: These monkeys were not cute, they embodied pure unadulterated evil.
I could go on and on, but every character in this movie was created to warp your brain: even the original characters (for their brief Cameos) seemed soulless versions of the movie classics.
Ultimately I do not think there is any good age to see this movie. Such a dark and depressing tone and ghastly visuals. Even at age 35 I am still deeply traumatized by this film. Perhaps Disney should have renamed this film and/or gave it an appropriate box cover as not to lure unwitting parents and children to this sociopathic piece of work!