We’re Starting a New Feature!
This week, Erik and I kicked around the idea of how to review really terrible movies. Whether old or new, sometimes you want to talk about a shitty movie, but a straight up review just feels like a bitch session. How can we bring some fun to the discussion?
We decided the best way to cover really awful films was to give a blow by blow of our reactions to the film, both as critics and as rational human beings who can only comprehend so much horror. So the method was nailed down, now the only hurdle left was to select the offending pieces of celluloid trash. So we hit upon the most egalitarian method known to mankind: we’d dare each other.
We’ll each take turns issuing a challenge to the other reviewer, and upon successful completion, will be able to issue a challenge back…and we’ll also let you, the reader, in on the fun. After we each complete a solo movie, we will open up the suggestions to our audience, who will name a movie that we both have to watch and tandem review. And as such, the galaxy will finally have a new definition of pain and suffering. We call it:
Double Dare Reviews!
Here’s how it will go down:
The Challenge: I got the ball rolling by suffering through the amateur-night extravaganza that was Checkmate. So now I’m issuing my challenge.
The Last Airbender
Seeing as M. Night Shyamalan is having a bit of a renaissance lately between his television series, Wayward Pines, and his latest movie, The Visit, not being utter crap, I’ve decided to rain on his parade. He’s having a good run of fortune, but we still remember the lean years. The Lady in the Water, The Happening, After Earth…but none of those were as hard to watch as The Last Airbender, a live action adaptation of Nickelodeon’s animated mystical adventure series. It’s a solid property with plenty of action and philosophical overtones, and should have been a slam dunk. Instead, it was a mess visually and structurally, leaving new viewers and series fans cold.
Well, Erik, it’s time for you to heed the signs and see a dead movie, one that doesn’t know it is dead! I’m pretty sure this movie could break even Bruce Willis’ character. You know, the unbreakable one. I’m out of puns (not really, but let’s move on.)
The Response: The Last Airbender really Neil? Shymalan films are so horrendous that the U.S goverment repurposed them as an interrogation device in GTMO when waterboarding became so controversial. Rumor has it, that Airbender led us to Bin Laden..
Low blow, Neil.. Low blow..