Our Ten’s List: What’s Hawkeye Up To?

Our Ten’s List: What’s Hawkeye Up To?

Everyone’s favorite “why are you even on the team?” Avenger has been noticeably absent from Avengers: Infinity War promotional material. We brainstorm what Hawkeye has been up to.

Hawkeye. The one with no super powers other than being really good with a bow and arrow. In a Universe with Incredible Hulks and Vibranium, we could see why Clint Barton wants nothing to do with Thanos, the Mad Titan. But Marvel keeps telling us that yes, Hawkeye will be slinging arrows when Infinity War comes around this weekend. So why hasn’t he been in any commercials, and why is he noticeably absent in the movie posters?

Pictured: Not Clint Barton.

Let’s spitball some ideas.

Avengers Infinity War:  Where’s Hawkeye!?!

#10: He’s still hiding out on the farm.

This is the most plausible. Therefore it’s the least funny, hence we’ll start with this. Hawkeye already tried to hang it up and just live a normal life with his family once before. While I’m sure he’d welcome some log-splitting help from his buddy Captain America, we can see why a relaxing life on the farm would beat getting beat seven ways to Sunday by a super-strong alien that worships death.

Captain America
Never gets old.

#9: He boycotted Walmart when they stopped selling Assault Weapons; therefore he’s out of arrows.

Target
I always figured him for a Target shopper anyway.

We don’t really know Hawkeye’s politics, but if I had to guess which Avenger has a MAGA hat in his closet, it’d be Clint. In a departure from the city-slicking bachelor persona we often see in comics, this version of Hawkeye is a simple family man, living life in the heartland. He’s also white, so I’ve got statistical backing behind me when I theorize that Hawkeye would be willing to cut off his quiver to spite his bow.

#8: He’s off founding the West Coast Avengers, which noone (even Marvel marketing) gives a rat’s ass about.

West Coast Avengers
They couldn’t even get the real Iron Man.

The West Coast Avengers. Sometimes known by its alternate name: “Where B-List superheroes go to be forgotten”. Clint Barton was the founder of this Superhero version of the witness protection program, so it would be understandable if Marvel sent him out there in the movie-verse and promptly forgot he existed.

 

#7: He’s going to leave this one to Squirrel Girl.

Squirrel Girl
An Unbeatable Theory

Hawkeye might share being a normal human with Batman, but he doesn’t share being nuts. By Age of Ultron he was already realizing that he was in way above his pay-grade: so like a normal, non-Martha obsessed vigilante, he’s decided to leave this to the pros. And when you need someone that can beat anyone, you call Squirrel Girl. Squirrel Girl, aside from being the best-est superhero ever, has single-handedly ruined Dr. Doom, beaten the entire Marvel Comic Universe up, and become best friends with the planet devouring Galactus.

When you need to call in sick for the apocalypse, you’re best bet is to see if Doreen Green and Tippy Toe can work temp. They’ve always wanted to be Avengers anyway.

#6: Two Words: Kate Bishop

Kate Bishop
Bull’s Eye! No, not the one from the other comic-movie Ben Affleck ruined.

You might notice a theme here: Clint Barton is way too smart to willingly get pasted by a guy with Ham-Hocks for fists. Coincidentally, contracts are starting to run out for the actors currently playing The Avengers, giving him an out. Most sources posit that Jeremy Renner (Hawkeye) still has 2 more movies in his contract, but who knows what the reality (stone) is. If Marvel was looking to start creating its next generation of Avengers, one of the easier transitions would be Hawkeye. Because in the Comics someone already replaced him for a stretch. Her name was Kate Bishop.

If Marvel wanted to test out swapping in new talent as well as making the Avengers less of a white boys club, Kate would make a fantastic addition. And it would give Clint Barton yet another way to phone it in when the Mad Titan shows up.

#5: Speaking of Contracts…

When I was digging around for the deets on Jeremy Renner’s time in the MCU, one site posited that he had a standalone Hawkeye movie in his contract. Color me skeptical. But… if we suppose that to be true, we get this juicy hypothesis: Hawkeye is being saved for a big reveal in Infinity War, because he went out and found the Soul Stone! The last Infinity Stone hasn’t been revealed, and being the most powerful (it has control over life and death), it would be the kind of power-up Clint would need to get out of this movie in anything other than a pine box.

Hawkeye Marvel V Capcom Infinite
Oh come on. You get the most powerful stone in existence and you use it to power up your bow? Maybe they should kill you.

The stand alone movie could be retroactive to the last time we saw him, post Civil War. Someone hires the retired Avenger to do a little Indiana Jones-ing. Think about it: it would satisfy his contract, necessitate him being kept secret in the promos, and would be just about the only kind of movie that would be entertaining to watch “a normal dude who shoots arrows real good” star in.

And hey, treasuer hunt movies are hot right now, apparently.

#4: He found a sweet deal on an apartment in Australia.

We all know that the majority of the throwing down in Infinity War is going to be in Wakanda. Where’s a good, safe distance from Wakanda? Australia. With Thor in space, Darryl Jacobson is probably in need of a roomie to split the rent with. Looks like Team Thor is becoming Team Hawkeye.

Team Thor
See? They like the theory too.

#3: He’s been there the whole time. Ant-Man shrunk him.

Hawkeye Ant-Man
This, but if both were tiny. And someone else was aiming the arrow. Okay, nothing like this actually.

Now, I know that being shrunk without a Pym Suit (or whatever they call it) is a death sentence, but we know two things that make this possible. One: Scott Lang is a thief. Two: there’s a second suit available, and it isn’t getting used until AFTER Infinity War. What better way to be contractually present for a movie that has your doom written all over it than to be so small no one can intentionally smoosh you? Also, what better visual can I get stuck in your head than Jeremy Renner in wasp-themed drag?

#2: He’s virtually invisible because his “Not It” game is his secret super power.

Tag
Don’t feel bad, these people can’t find Hawkeye either, and they’ve spent their entire lives trying to get him.

No-one’s saying that the upcoming film Tag occurs in the MCU. But no one is saying it isn’t either*. In this comedy, Jeremy Renner plays a man that’s never been tagged in a 30 year game of Tag. He’s preternaturally good at avoiding people. Maybe Renner’s character is actually Hawkeye, who has upped his game so much that he’s virtually impossible to spot, let alone tag.

Theory: he’s actually in all the promos, but it’s one of those tricks where you have to NOT look for him to see him. Because he’s that elusive.

*Anyone connected to the film would probably say it isn’t, but I’m not gonna ask them. 

#1: He’s stuck at the DMV.

Hawkeye
You’d look this old if you spent all day at the DMV too.

If Hawkeye was smart, he’d be making sure his driver’s license is up to date. When Disney finally acquires 21st Century Fox and the X-men come back to the MCU stable, he’s going to need it to cart Wolverine around.  I wouldn’t put it past the top brass at Disney to see how much Logan made and reboot it sooner rather than later. In the comics, Wolverine was doing his road-trip schtick with a blind Clint Barton, not a daffy Professor X.

I’m calling it here first, by 2025 we’re going to get Hawkeye and Wolverine in Old Man Logan, so Mr. Barton is probably getting his license renewed before someone pokes out his eyes.

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