Short Series Review: Star Wars Galaxy of Adventures

Short Series Review: Star Wars Galaxy of Adventures

A Long Time Ago in a Galaxy Far, Far, Away… there were adventures that were far, far, too short to give a damn about.

Disney just released a series of animated Star Wars shorts called Galaxy of Adventures. Surprisingly enough, they aren’t gated behind the paywall that is Disney +. They are available for free on a YouTube channel called Star Wars Kids. It was a smart decision giving this stuff away for free, because none of it is any good. The “episodes” are ridiculously short, the action is manic psuedo-anime, and (surprise!) Galaxy of Adventures turns out to be a shameless vehicle for Disney to sell your kids more Star Wars merch.

Star Wars: Galaxy of Adventures (2018)Star Wars Galaxy of Adventures

Were you interested in getting a cliff-notes version of every single Star Wars movie ever made? In anime form? No? Well, how about your kids? Do they have access to your credit card?

Too Short

Spaceballs
You Said it, Rick.

How ridiculously short are the episodes in Galaxy of Adventures? If this review takes me an hour to write, my total time spent with Galaxy of Adventures will be one hour and six minutes. These aren’t skits, so much as animated commercials. Each episode is one iconic scene from a random Star Wars movie, given to you in a random order. If you remember the commercials that came out when The Prequelogies, The Original Trilogy (SPECIAL “HAN SHOT SECOND” EDITION!) DVD, or Rogue One were released, congratulations. You’ve officially seen more Star Wars than anyone who has watched all 6 episodes of Galaxy of Adventures.

Shorty the Pimp

The marketing for Galaxy of Adventures is that it is a fun and colorful way to introduce your children to the Star Wars Universe. Sure, the little ankle biters won’t sit still for two hours of Return of the Jedi, but maybe they’ll watch all your favorite characters flail around for a minute.

Galaxy of Adventures
Surprising literally no one.

What it really is, is Star Wars crack. It’s a free rock given out to your unsuspecting child, hoping to hook them into buying the coincidentally announced Hasbro series of toys. Did you think anime-Luke flailing around with his lazer sword was fun? BUY THE GODDAMN TOYS, YOU LITTLE PUNK!

Walks with a Limp

Did you happen to notice I used the word “flail” a lot up there? Because that is the best word to describe the animation style of Galaxy of Adventures. Or maybe “freak out”. Yeah, that’s even better. Here, let me give you a brief synopsis of a few episodes:

Galaxy of Adventures
Ah yes, I do remember in the Original Trilogy that whenever Luke turned on his lightsaber it blew all his clothes off. Totally canon.

Episode 1: Luke get’s his first lightsaber, turns it on, and freaks out.

Episode 4: Leia gives R2-D2 a message for Obi Wan Kenobi; R2 then freaks out.

Episode 5: Imperials start shooting at the Millenium Falcon, Han and Chewie freak out.

The only episode where freaking out is even mildly called for is the one with the Wampa in it. If you get your arm chopped off, it is perfectly acceptable to freak out. Even then, the episode changes the continuity: were you aware that Luke did a 50 foot leap straight into the air before lopping off that poor fuzzball’s limb off?

It’s a blessing that each episode is so short, because the animation style is like the animators for FLCL did a bunch of coke and tried to turn every scene in Star Wars into “Yoda fighting Dooku“. The only scene that is mildly restrained is Darth Vader bodying a bunch of soldiers a la Rogue One. Sigh. One of the coolest scenes in the last five years, and THAT’S the one you hold back on?

Galaxy of Adventures
“Sigh, I just don’t have the same passion for murdering these dudes a second time.”

Galaxy of Misadventures

Don’t bother with this dreck. Galaxy of Adventures is just cynical marketing, taking whatever the youngs these days like and adapting it poorly through a Star Wars lens. I’d bitch some more, but the one hour mark just hit, and I’ve no desire to put overtime into this series.

Galaxy of Adventures
“Hello, fellow kids! Want to buy some Star Wars merch?”

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