Movie News Roundup.
Another big week of casting news and movie announcements. This week features a particularly gleeful pilfering of venerable film classics: King Kong, Godzilla, Spider Man, Lethal Weapon, and Rocky Horror Picture Show are all up for remakes. Any new films that haven’t been done before? Let me check my list…oh, here we go! A new franchise called…are you kidding me? Tetris. We’ve got a Tetris movie coming our way people. Buckle in, this is going to get bumpy.
Thor: Ragnarok cast full of big names.
This week Marvel dropped a phone book full of A-List names for its upcoming tent-pole franchise, Thor. The latest outing for the god of thunder has confirmed that Chris Hemsworth will return as Thor, Anthony Hopkins as Odin, Tom Hiddleston as Loki, and Mark Ruffalo as The Hulk (who was conspicuously absent from the hero vs hero mash-up in Captain America: Civil War.) New names and faces are as follows: Cate Blanchett will play the main villain, Hela; Tessa Thompson will play a potential new ally, Valkeyrie; Jeff Goldblum will play a cosmic entity known as The Grandmaster; and Karl Urban will play
Judge Dredd (if only…) Skurge, an off again/on again rival in the Thor pantheon.
Bird Man to play The Vulture?
After talks to bring Keaton to the MCU apparently died last month when Robert Downey Jr. was added to the cast (and budget!) of Spider Man: Homecoming, news has broken that Batman/Bird Man will indeed be in the new flick, as a villain. Mum’s the word about which villain, but since The Vulture has been continuously hinted at, that might be an oddly meta fit for Keaton. Other possibilities are that Keaton will play a smaller role to set up a re-appearance of the uber villain Norman Osbourne/ The Green Goblin. It would be a good fit, but we’ve had that guy already twice. Go with something new!
Kevin Hart,Jack Black to join The Rock in Jumanji.
Two new names have joined Dwayne Johnson in his dubious adventure into the world of Jumanji: Kevin Hart and Jack Black. That is literally all I want to say about this project.
New Movie Announcements
Big budget Tetris movie…because why again?
I really hope this one is an epic troll job: Larry Kasanoff (Mortal Kombat) and Bruno Wu (China’s Sun Seven Stars Media Group) gave an interview at Cannes announcing that they would not only be making a sci-fi “thriller” based on the moving blocks game, they would be making a trilogy! The reported budget of this mind-boggling misadventure is an also mind-boggling 80 million dollars. So double what Deadpool had to play with. The pair seem deadly serious, and filming is scheduled to begin in China in 2017…unless somebody manages to get one of those damn straight line pieces to fall and delete the whole thing.
Fox is taking old classics to television, via remakes.
Fox Studios is remaking Lethal Weapon, and The Rocky Horror Picture Show to join their current remake, The Exorcist. I know, I know, put down your damn pitchforks for a second: they’re remaking them into miniseries for television. OK, go ahead and pick you pitchforks back up again. No way this ends badly for them…
Lethal Weapon is set to premiere in September while Rocky Horror will arrive in time for October, and give me plenty of excuses to cover Tim Curry again this Halloween.
Godzilla, Kong, and Godzilla Vs. Kong given release dates.
Warner Bros. is doubling down on their monster movie franchises with three new films. The first in the mix will be Kong: Skull Island. This reboot is set to reintroduce us to the tall, dark leading ape and stars Tom Hiddleston and Brie Larson. Brie Larson? This is not how you follow up an Oscar win for Room! The film has a budget of 190 million and a release date for March 2017.
After that, Godzilla is being given the nod again with a sequel to the 2014 film. Gareth Edwards has been nixed from the director’s chair and no cast or crew notes are listed on IMDB, except for the fact that this film will share a writer with Kong: Skull Island. The release is slated for 2019.
Lastly, in 2020 we finally get the robot apocalypse as promised to use by the Mega Man games. Just kidding, we get a bleaker fate by way of Godzilla Vs. King Kong. Now, I’m no scientician, but they’re going to have to introduce one giant fucking ape in Skull Island if he is going to have a farts chance in a hurricane versus the big green lizard. Kong scales buildings…Godzilla steps over buildings. That is an epic mismatch, if I ever saw one.
Billy Lynn’s Long Halftime Walk