The Top Ten Worst Movie Moms For Mothers Day
Well Mothers Day is upon us yet again, time to reflect on the selfless job they did raising us. But what if your mom was pretty crappy? Well I got you covered faithful reader, this list below will give you solace in knowing it truly could be worse.
Worst Movie Moms.
10. Black Swan – Barbra Hershey
Constantly telling her daughter she is too fat or not good enough lands this lady on the top ten worst mothers list. Why can’t she just accept Natalie the way she is…a freaking 10. (Uh Hello, in what crazy world, is Natalie Portman not good enough? Her booty can turn a Jedi to the dark side, so I call bullshit.)
She pushes her to a pederast trainer and gives her tons of support… in driving her mad! All in the pursuit of the lucrative career of ballet. Nice job mom, next time try pushing your daughter into medicine, not a tutu.
9. The Graduate – Anne Bancroft
Now I don’t care that this cougar preys on young men, in point of fact, I openly encourage it…especially with a lady as ravishing as Anne Bancroft. But please think ahead to the awkward family reunions before banging your daughter’s boyfriend. That kind of mental scarring can drive a person to ballet, for christ’s sake.
8. Home Alone – Catherine O’Hara
I rarely forget my phone at home; this menace forgets her child not once, but twice! Pretty sure Lil Kevin would be living in a foster home by the third movie…wait, what? They got a new kid for the third one? Oh shit, child protection services doesn’t mess around. Good luck blaming all your troubles on a couple of losers called the “sticky bandits.” The court finds this mother guilty.
She seems pretty ideal on the surface and stands up for her kids, but her body count outweighs her apple pie. Unless of course you enjoy apple pie enough to bludgeon, burn, stab, and dismember anyone who messes with your suburban tranquility. Then I would say she’s your perfect match. And by the way, try some melted cheddar cheese on that pie, it’s the way it was meant to be enjoyed.
6. Psycho – Raggedy Anne?
This woman was such a nag, Norman continued arguing with her years after she died. Never once won the argument, it would seem. Just goes to validate that old chestnut: “spare the rod, spoil the child…relentlessly emasculate your son and watch him cross-dress and murder women in a skeazy motel.” I think that’s how the saying goes. Least that’s how I learned it.
5. American Pie – Jennifer Coolidge
Another bad mother who is much more popular with the neighborhood children than with their own offspring. This classy lady clearly has a drinking problem, leaves her sons unattended for months at a time, and only returns and bang their geeky friends. So I can’t really see the problem here. She’s the perfect mom!
4. Throw Momma From The Train -Anne Ramsey
Just look at that mug, doesn’t it scare you straight down to the cockles of your heart? Now imagine the unholy bitchiness and daily verbal abuse that poor Owen (Danny DeVito) had to endure. Can you blame him for placing a hit on his mom? He could have picked a more reliable service, though. You never want to skimp on the budget when it comes to arranging for the brutal murder of your mother. She spent 10 hours in labor, you ungrateful poop!
3. Friday The 13th – Betsy Palmer
After her son dies, Betsy takes the high road…and sets off a killing spree of camp counselors. That alone is enough to get her a generous position on the list of worst mothers in movies. But her biggest crime? Is giving birth to a slew of unwatchable sequels. Jason Goes to Hell? The franchise was waiting for him there long before he arrived, thank you very much.
2. Pink Flamingos – Divine
This hideous creature ate real dog shit on film. Enough said.
(Editor’s Note: Yup. Got nothing to add to that. Thanks, John Waters. Real class act.)
1. Shaft- Richard Roundtree
He’s a bad mutha…
(Editor’s Note: Shut yo mouth!)